Sometimes things don’t work out as we dreamed or planned they would. Yesterday was my “I will survive” or my freedom day. Yes, I am sure you all know the song by Gloria Gaynor. I’ve danced to it a thousand times. And I’ve sung it out loud at the top of my voice a million times more. It must be one of my all time favourites and hearing it can always put a smile on my face.
Breathe in and out. Smile. And be free.
Many moons ago, that day of that year was one the hardest days of my life. Yet strangely enough, it was also one of the happiest. Sounds like a contradiction, doesn’t it? Not really. Through the challenges of the sad moments and the memory of the happy ones, it brought me the lessons and forgiveness that I needed.
I had to do something that was very difficult for me to do. I had to go to court to finalize my divorce. Not only was I letting go of a partner, but also a dream and a love; and not least of all, a little part of me, a little part of my heart and soul. It was a final step in a process that needed to be made. Getting that piece of paper was quicker and easier than even I could have imagined it would be. Living through the months before and after that day was much harder. But, of course, I did.
I was extremely lucky and blessed to have my soulsister C. at my side that day. Her undying support and understanding, not just that day, but throughout my life, was and continues to be beyond words. She was a special soul who taught me many things, however the one that stands out the most is the value of having soulsisters and soulbrothers in one’s life. Just how important it is to be surrounded and supported by your tribe, where you are free to be yourself, first and foremost. She was a wonderful soulsister to me and influenced my life in a multitude of ways, but that may be another post when the time is right. For now, her soul and her cat, Max(ine), continue to remind me of all the unconditional love, beauty and joy to be found in our soul connections.
One of my happy memories is also from that same day. After the stress of the morning, we had a bite to eat at a restaurant near the beach together. Later her son and my soulbrother T. joined us for a walk on Melkbosstrand beach. I still recall the three of us walking and chatting our way down the beach as if it was yesterday. It was a simple moment of happiness, deep friendship and soul connection. That day, with all its wide range of feelings, gave me a true sense of personal freedom and the knowledge that no matter what, I could survive.
And so, through soul connections and support, one of the hardest days of my life was also one that I remember easily with a happy smile today. Yet again I feel it is all about perspective and how we choose to see things, just like deciding whether to frown at or kiss the rain. I choose to forgive and let go, and I also choose to accept the lessons that life offers me, in all her infinite wisdom. When reflecting on my words for 2014, I chose to add forgiveness to my three words knowing full well that I would have to keep my heart open in order to do this. And taking this trip down memory lane in my mind yesterday reminded me clearly of the immense power of forgiveness and letting go in our lives.
My journey, like everyone’s personal journey, isn’t always moonbeams and roses; it is full of ups and downs. It is just life! And in that is the balance that we seek.
Breathe. Smile. Free.
Reflecting here and now on that day 14 years ago, I am pleased that I have forgiven myself and others; I am glad that I can remember the happy beach walk first before I remember the sadder moments. In fact, a lot of that pain has been gone for a very long time. And after all, it has made me who I am now and given me the strong belief that no matter what, I will survive. We will survive.
I can hear the tune in my head, so let’s sing it together…
with love, Delicia